For two years, I lived in a nightmare disguised as a dream. I, a 35-year-old woman with three beautiful children, had thought I found my forever partner in a man who promised me the world. Instead, I found myself trapped in a cycle of domestic violence and financial abuse that chipped away at my spirit and self-worth.

It began subtly. Compliments turned into criticisms, and his affectionate words twisted into verbal daggers. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I was already battling my own body. The emotional and psychological warfare he waged against me left me paralyzed in ways I never imagined. Despite my education and intelligence, anxiety and depression took root, eroding my confidence.

I helped him build a business from the ground up, pouring my financial resources into it, sacrificing my own stability for his dream. All the while, he became more controlling, more violent. He had served prison time, so I thought surely the boy that went in cannot be the man that came out! I was right...he was worse! The charming facade he wore so well had crumbled, revealing a monster I felt I couldn’t escape.

Domestic violence doesn’t fit a stereotype. It can happen to anyone, regardless of background, education, or social status. National statistics reveal that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). The reasons for staying are complex: fear of repercussions, financial dependency, emotional manipulation, and a hope that things will get better.

My depression worsened to the point where I contemplated suicide. Desperate, I reached out to his family, hoping they could intervene. I called his friends, pleading for help. But the abuse never stopped. It was during one violent attack that I found myself at a breaking point. I pulled out my handgun, something I kept for protection. For the first time, I saw fear in his eyes. For a fleeting moment, I felt a spark of power return. The scariest part for me was knowing that I was willing to take his life because after being choked, punched, kicked, battered and bruised for 2 years I finally came to the realization that..... he was willing to take mine.

But it wasn’t enough to break free immediately. Leaving an abusive relationship is not a single act; it's a process fraught with danger and difficulty. When I finally gathered the courage to leave, he retaliated with a vicious campaign to destroy me. He slandered my name, defamed my character, stole the business that I poured my finances into but we built together, and then had the nerve to also try to file false charges against me. All of this was AFTER I moved back in with my parents, while I was quietly trying to rebuild my life and take care of my children.

Nine months have now passed since I left. I have made so many positive changes in my life and I am on a path of healing. I’m channeling my pain into purpose, working on my nonprofit organization to support other survivors of domestic violence. 

I am sharing a short version of my story to encourage others. The message I want you to take away from this is 

• There is a beautiful life on the other side of the darkness. 
• The hardest part is making the decision to leave. 
• Abuse in any form IS NOT LOVE, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, and YOU DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT. I want to encourage survivors through my story, and I want you to know that you are worth more and you deserve better! 

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, there is hope. Here are some tips to report abuse and plan for a safe escape:

1. Create a Safety Plan: Identify safe areas in your home, establish a code word with trusted friends or family, and pack an emergency bag with essentials.

2. Reach Out for Help: Contact local shelters, hotlines, or domestic violence organizations. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) is available 24/7. (GET HELP) 

3. Document Everything: Keep records of all incidents, including photos of injuries, written threats, and witness testimonies.

4. Seek Legal Assistance: Obtain a restraining order and seek legal advice on how to protect yourself and your children.

5. Lean on Your Support System: Don’t hesitate to lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups.

Remember, you are not alone. There is a future beyond the pain. As Isaiah 41:10 reminds us, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Rebuilding your life after such a horrific experience is possible. You have the strength within you, and there are resources and people ready to help. Reach out, make a plan, and take that courageous step towards freedom and healing.